The other day, I was with my girlfriend in the car going to some destination when suddenly she became upset with me. The discussion did not matter nor who was to blame, but nevertheless, she was upset. When I asked her what was going on she replied with that much hated, “I just want to be alone.” My usual reaction would be one where I drop her off and head to my place and let her take those precious moments to herself as means to say, “Fine! Be alone and see how that really feels!” However, I hesitated and asked myself a question that she asks me all the time, “What result are you after?” This is a question I have found to be amazingly insightful and you will likely see me using in the future. In any event, I could have dropped her off and headed home and sulked. However, that question rang loud and clear in my head. The result I was after was to get to that place that comes after a disagreement – that place where we have moved on and can discuss what happened and be reminded that we love each other immensely. I wanted that make-up hug and kiss and sooner rather than later. I took her hand in mine while driving back to her house as I felt that would calm her and let her know I love her. Surprisingly, she did not pull away. We went to her place and I was hungry so I asked if she wanted to go and she did not. So I was frankly not happy about that as I was trying to show her that I was able to rise above my immediate anger and disappointment and move on. Seeing that she was not ready, I got into my car to go home. I thought that I would show her the benefits of being ALONE. Well, not more than 1/2 a mile into my drive, I decided that was not where I wanted to be and I looked at myself in the rear-view mirror and that this was a moment I needed to decide to deal with things the same old way I have all of my life, run off and be mr. pissy pants or make a change. I stopped the car and make a decision that I was going to get back to where I wanted to be. I was going to decide for a better outcome and make it happen. So, I went to Home Depot and got some tools and parts to finish off a task in her garage that she asked me to do earlier in the week and I parked my car where she could not easily see it and went to her garage (it is not attached so she would not necessarily know I was there) and went to work. I was almost finished when she walked up and saw me sweating away. She was rather surprised and asked me what I was doing and gave me a hug. I think she felt a bit awkward for the way she had been acting and wanted to move on.
Okay, so what is all this blather about? I decided to stop and make a change. I was no longer going to let my usual knee-jerk emotions get the best of me and lead me into an afternoon of boredom and sulking just to “prove that I am right.” It did not matter. The result I was after was to have a nice pleasant weekend with the woman I love. I decided to skip all the bull-crap and go to the end zone for a touchdown. Forget the multiple downs with running plays – I went for the the bomb passing play and got it. I started with that man in the mirror and made the change. I was glad I did and it felt empowering. No longer do I need to follow old tapes and old ways. I CAN CHANGE MY LIFE AND GET A BETTER RESULT. Not later – RIGHT NOW!